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NZ parent – insight hunting parents perspective

parent blogs – hunting out more insights

Many adults have a hard time watching teens question wise adults and traditions, but it’s an important development in their thinking. As teens move toward becoming adults, they need to think about what they believe. If they test, challenge and explore those beliefs before they make decisions and commitments, they are more likely to have long lasting, more sensible ideas. Teens are more likely to become adults that hold the same values of their parents, and are more likely to hold those values as their own if they have tested them and thought them through.

Parents should listen respectfully to the ideas of their teens. Asking questions and offering opinions is fine, but being criticizing or belittling is not helpful. Teens do better when parents monitor their activities, and wise parents keep track of the friends, hobbies and activities of their teens. When your teen announces they are going out, invite them to tell you about what they are doing, where they are going and who they will be with. There will be times when you need to tell your teen that you don’t feel good about what they are planning to do. Troubled teens will often resist, but stay calm and ask them what else they could be doing. When they still object, tell them “I can see that you really want to do that. Since you aren’t able to, what else could you do?”

Remember to be patient. During this time, teens begin to look like adults, they start expecting more freedom, but they are still learning. Often teens will do things that seem stupid to adults, possibly even looking extremely confident while they do them. Teens are transitioning from childhood to adulthood. It is important to show the same patience to our teens as we want people to show us when we are learning. Staying involved with your teen is important, but allowing them to take increasing control of their lives is important also. It is helpful to monitor teens in a respectful manner, teens want to be respected just like adults. Asking your teens about their plans with genuine interest will often result in teens discussing those plans with their parents. If you know what your teen’s plans are, and have concerns, it allows you as parents to discuss the possibilities with them.

((Yes because if you dont talk and you dont know then you are completely incapable of giving them any valuable guidance or assistance.))

As the parent of a troubled teen, you can learn perhaps the most important life lesson from the world of therapy. Research has found that the most critical factor in a successful outcome is what is known as the “therapeutic alliance.” The therapeutic alliance is essentially a complicated way of saying that the relationship between the therapist and client is the most important part of the situation. As parents, it’s critical to learn that your teen will accomplish more in life if you create strong relationships or “therapeutic alliances” at home. Parents that have these types of relationships with their teens will have greater influence and a more fulfilling experience, due to the bonds that are developed.

When forming these alliances with your teens, be a friendly, warm person. Offer them sincere compliments, give hugs and smile when you see them. Also listen to your teen without judging or offering unwarranted advice. Try to deeply understand what they are sharing with you, and ask for further information then restate what you heard. Talk about the things that are interesting or important to them and their life.

In parenting your troubled teen, take some time to grow your relationship, the payoffs are well worth the effort and remember that even if you only succeed once every few tries, you’re probably still doing well.

((((((Dont give up —– these things dont change over night)))))))))

When  newborn cries, there are usually only a handful of things that can be wrong. (I know there are exceptions.) With a teenager? Oh for the love of all things moody, hormonal and life changing there could be a million things. But even if it isn’t “What’s wrong?”

.hmmm, wait, so does pretty much any other visual image of women, from billboards to music videos and commercials) at the end of the day, porn is not the only learning tool that boys have.  At least I would hope not.  Their primary resource for lessons should always be from their parents. Truth is, if you’re embarrassed to talk about it, then your kids are going to be embarrassed to ask you questions.  Topics of sex should be a part of everyday conversations, the same way academics, friendships, drugs, alcohol, and health are.  Shit, most of our sex conversations happen at the dinner table.  LMAO!

“Sexting is now illegal in the state of Florida.”  I figured if they didn’t want to heed my warnings about avoiding it (because seriously why would you listen to your mother when all she is trying to do is ruin your sexting fun?

Like sex between minors can lead to very negative consequences, sexting between minors can as well.  (By the way, if you are not sure what sexting is, it is defined as: the act of sending sexually explicit messages or photographs via mobile phones.)  Honestly though, this is not something new.  What is new is the method of delivery; I remember receiving some sexually explicit handwritten notes from boys in high school, and we had sex codes for beepers as well.  In any case, over the last few years there have been some cases where young men and women have been accused of possession and distribution of child pornography, sentenced to jail and furthermore are now labeled as sex offenders for sending or being in possession of sexually explicit messages sent between two consenting minors.  If you didn’t already know that this could happen, well now you know, and the consequences of teens sexting have been quite extraordinary.  Here are some examples:

In Pennsylvania, 6 teenagers were charged. Three girls for creating “child porn” (in other words the girls took pics of themselves), and three boys (who it was sent to) for possessing it. In Texas, an eighth-grader actually spent a night in prison after his coach found a nude picture on his cell phone which had been sent by another student (why was the coach on his phone??). In Wisconsin, a 17-year-old was charged with child pornography after posting naked pictures of his girlfriend, who is a year younger, on the internet. In Rochester, New York, a boy aged 16 faces seven years in jail for circulating an image of a girlfriend to friends.

A 15-year-old girl in Ohio and a 14-year-old girl in Michigan were charged with felonies for sending along nude images of themselves to classmates. Similar charges have been filed in cases in Alabama, Connecticut, Florida, New Jersey, and Utah. Some may remember back to the case in Florida a few years ago where a teen couple took pictures of themselves nude, and engaged in “unspecified sexual behavior.” The police got involved somehow when one of the kids sent the photo to the other. They were tried in the courts and convicted for both production and distribution of child pornography, and the teenager who had received the image also had the charge of possession. It was taken to an appeals court, and they lost. The convictions stood.

At the end of the day, though, whether it’s illegal or not, and whether we like the idea or not, horny teens are going to continue passing dirty notes, having phone sex, or sexting each other as they explore and experience sexuality.  Arguing whether the sender loses all rights to their privacy the second they hit send, or whether the receiver should have the moral capacity to know not to show someone’s dirty messages or naked pics to anyone or the Internet, does not solve much.

LOL  “how to pee with a boner”

want there to be less pee on your bathroom floor?

I don’t sit here and pretend to think that my kids are such wonderful children that they would never engage in questionable behaviors or illegal acts for that matter.  And unfortunately, I think too many parents make this mistake.  Too many parents choose to be ignorant, choose to put blinders on and not see, hear or smell for that matter, and too many parents choose to not know what’s going on in their children’s lives.

In my house there is no such thing as “privacy”. That’s right! It’s my house, my rules buddy. I check computers, I check chat histories, I check emails, I tell my kids to bring down Facebook updates I find inappropriate, bedroom doors are not to be locked in my house unless you’re getting dressed after showering and I don’t accept “I’m gonna hang out with my friends.” I want to know WHO your friends are, what their names are, their phone numbers, where they live, introduce them to me, and while we’re at it, I’d like to talk to his/her parents.  When I first started dropping off my oldest son at the mall to “hang out” (which I honestly NEVER thought I would allow) I didn’t send him off with a “Have fun!”  Instead, I sat there, in front of the mall and re-lectured him on the consequences of stealing (and I’m not just referring to consequences with the cops).  Hey, I hope my kids understand right from wrong, but there is no harm in reviewing the basics on a regular basis since they can easily be forgotten under certain circumstances.

“I hate you!”

“You’re the worst parent who ever existed!”

“I can’t wait to move out!”

If you have recently heard these words (usually screamed at full volume, followed by the loud slamming of a bedroom door), you may be the parent of a teenager.

((((((relief – false hope)))))))

In fact, although you love your child as much as ever, you may be struggling with feelings of intense hurt, anger, dislike,distrustgriefanxiety, and loneliness. You may feel that although you love your teenager, you just don’t like him or her very much right now. It may feel at times that your teenager has his or her finger on every one of your buttons, and is pushing them … all at once!

The traditional task of adolescence is to move away from exclusive identification with family and to explore the greater world outside of the home.

The family itself is also moving through a transition period. They must move into a new life stage, with new roles for each family member. It can be difficult to feel entirely ready for these changes. Many parents of teenagers experience this time as a loss: the loss of the innocent and impressionable child they once knew and enjoyed; the loss of the role of all-knowing nurturer and protector.